These are the rules I expect my students (and often my clients) to live by when I begin working with them… pt #2
Today I’m gonna go over Part #2 of my Coaching Contract.
I had to chop this into #2 because it was longer than usual. So in this second half, I’m gonna pick right up where I left off.
I’m going through 14 different rules that I make somebody follow when I agree to coach or consult with them.
If you’ve not read Part #1, then go back and check that out that before you go any further, ‘cause it’ll make more sense.
These rules are a result of me watching, not only the marketing patterns that make somebody successful – but the attitudes that lead to success too.
Before I agree to coach someone, I make them commit to a few rules.
This is a two-way relationship – if they’re willing to show up 100%, then I’ll do the same. If you work with me, I lean in and match the level of commitment that you have.
100% SELF LEARNING
A lady reached out once, “Hey Steve, I wanna buy your product, but will you be there to motivate me when I’m feeling down?” I said, “Absolutely not. I’m not here to motivate you. Motivation comes from within. You make your own motivation.”
Motivation sucks. Discipline is greater than motivation. I’m not here to motivate you. I’m here to teach you how to do stuff.
If you can’t bring motivation to the table, the moment I leave, you die internally. There’s nothing inside of you that you can depend on.
You haven’t callused your mind or created enough of a relationship with yourself to move forward and do crap on your own.
I do not believe in motivating people.
You might get motivated by what I say, and that’s great. I get motivated when I listen to motivational videos on YouTube, but I know that motivation is like willpower, it dies after a while. It’s like a muscle – eventually, it gives out.
Motivation is weak. Discipline is greater than motivation.
So as you go through these rules, the biggest thing I’d suggest to you is that to figure out what you’d like to focus on?
Don’t make a shopping list to take on at once – just focus on one thing for the next 6 months. Commit to that thing:
“For the next six months, I’m committing to mastering this one area.”
Tim Ferriss asks “What’s the one thing I could go do that would make everything else obsolete?” I like to sit back and think to myself, “What would that one thing be?”
Let me give you a personal example here:
I realized that I could die behind my computer because I work my face off. I just don’t work a freakin’ nine-to-five. Nine-to-five is when I’m at my desk, but I’m working all the time – and I don’t always want to be.
So six months ago, I decided to focus on self-care.
In high school, I lost 45 pounds. I didn’t like how I looked so I lifted every day for 9 months and lost 45 pounds. I got down to 6% body fat – I was lean and mean (1% more considered unhealthy). I started doing Sprint Triathlons like crazy…
After I got married and went to college, all those years financial pressure and stress meant that I started putting the weight back on.
One day at ClickFunnels, I saw a picture of myself and I was like, “Oh crap!” I decided not to be embarrassed about it, but just own the scenario that I was in. Let’s kill that side me.
But I had to do is find that one domino that Tim Ferriss talks about that knocks down everything else. For me, that domino is the time that I go to sleep.
If I go to sleep at a reasonable time:
- I get up early.
- When I get up early workout.
- When I work out in the morning, I’m more motivated to eat well because I don’t wanna lose the results I just sweated for.
- Eating better which makes me drink more water which makes my brain work better – so I’m more productive.
And it all starts with one activity that I can easily control – the time I go to bed.
I don’t believe in nighttime hustle anymore. There are very few times when I’m willing to do work late because I work better, have more clarity of mind, I get more crap done when I go to bed on time.
So what’s your BIG domino?
HOW TO BE SUCCESSFUL PT #2
Number Seven:“If you earnestly attempt to answer all questions on your own, then I will coach you to the answer.”
A while back, I shared my My Greatest Asset. We got 700 views in the first two hours of that video being released. It went crazy!
There’s never been a time when there’s been so much information readily available for everybody with such a lack of discipline on how to get it.
It drives me nuts!
When people say, “…But, Steve, I don’t know the answer to that?… Steve, but I don’t know how to do that?” Man, I wanna rip my hair out and scream, “Just Freakin’ Google It!”
The answer is out there… YOU JUST GOTTA LOOK!
If you’re just waiting for someone to give you the answer… you’re freakin sunk! YouTube it. Google it. Go to the library. TAKE THE INITIATIVE – because that’s the attitude of a successful person.
If you’re gonna work with me, you’re never allowed to ask me a question that you haven’t earnestly tried to find the answer for yourself.
This comes from a specific person in my history…
There was one leader, and anytime we had a question he wouldn’t answer it.
We’d ask, “So what do we do about this?” And he’d just look at us and say, “Yeah, what would you do about that?” It was soooo frustrating. We were mad at the dude forever.
For six months, he refused to answer questions, and it drove me nuts. One day, he said, “Guys, my goal is to make you self-sufficient, not to give you all the answers.”
My life changed with that just that one lesson.
If you come to me with a super tactical question, I might help answer, but when it’s a dumb question – no chance!
Whoever said, “There’s no such thing as a stupid question” – they were wrong!
A stupid question is one that someone made no effort to try and answer on their own before they asked somebody else!
Stupid questions exist.
Number Eight: “You gotta buy success with your own time.”
I lost a bunch of weight, and somebody said, “Oh man, you’re looking great.” I was like, “Oh thanks, I bought the results with my time.”
They asked, “What do you mean?” I said, “Well, you know while most people are watching Netflix and eating cookie dough, I was exercising and not eating crap.” I swapped my time for the result I wanted.
If you spend 10 minutes a day on what I’m teaching you and you say, “This doesn’t work!” The truth is, “No! You’re not working.”
10 minutes a day isn’t an obsession.
If you can’t get obsessed over what you’re doing, you’re probably not in the right game.
It’s easy for me to dominate because I’m obsessed with the game. No one needs to crack the whip. No one’s saying, “Alright Steve, today you gotta get obsessed….” because the obsession is already there inside me.
Number NIne: “Take imperfect action viciously. Just run.”
You don’t have to wait until you have 100% perfection before you make your move.
Funnels, whatever… you only have to be at 80% before you press go!
Yeah, could we keep tweaking it, but at 80% you are good to go. Let’s do it!
Number Ten: “Don’t freak out at the clock.”
One of my favorite quotes is: It’ll take you longer than you think, but not as long as you fear. This quote has been a motto of mine for a long time.
There’s an exponential curve that happens when you start to focus on learning a skill, it goes something like this:
- No progress/ No cash
- No progress/ No cash
- A little progress/ A little cash
- Lots of progress/ Not much cash
- Lots of progress/ Not much cash
- Lots of progress / Lots of cash!
You gotta be patient and put in the time.
The first time I did 2 Comma Club, two months into the year-long program, there was a slew of people who started asking me, “Steven, how long do we have this for?”
I was like “Why are you asking this now? You’ve only been in for two months, you’re killin’ it, and we’re finally ready to go build funnels.” Then it hit me…
This was the point in the course where all the things started coming together, they weren’t just watching videos anymore. It was time to stop studying and take massive action.
It was time to get behind the wheel, turn the engine’s on, shift, things into gear, and let off the clutch off! Suddenly, things were getting a bit scarier.
And I realized, “Oh crap, it’s because the work is starting now.”
So I try to get people to:
- Take action imperfectly.
- Not freak out over the clock.
…if it’s taking longer than you expected. Yeah, it always does.
Number 11: “If you chose to be uncomfortable every day, then I will promise to help create environments for positive stress.”
There’s eustress, and there’s distress – not all stress is the same.
Eustress comes from euphoria – it’s positive stress. It’s stress that brings growth and sculpting. It’s good for your development.
Distress comes from overwhelm – it’s destructive – It’s bad anxiety, overwhelmed, overload. You feel like you’re gonna die and you start entering into destructive habits.
I have a three-year-old and my five-year-old; I’m trying to craft a learning environment for them with a chore list. But if I see they start exiting eustress and entering distress, I know I need to stop.
I want eustress for my customers too – that’s one of the reasons why my stuff is awesome, but also why my stuff is sometimes hard for people to take in… Cause I know that they must grow as an individual, not just a funnel.
They must grow as an individual to even pull off the funnel. That’s what it is to become an attractive character. There are things inside of you that you need to work on, overcome, focus on, expand, or contract.
I try and do something challenging and uncomfortable every single day.
This morning I didn’t want to lift, but I thought about this rule, and I was like, “Alright, let’s do it!”
Number 12: “Be brutally honest about where you are. If you’re brutally honest about where you are, then I will applaud your progress.”
If you rent a freakin’ Lamborghini, take your picture in front of it, and put it on your Facebook, I’m gonna slap ya – especially if you’re a student, or client of mine.
Being brutally honest about where you are is one of the fastest paths to progression I’ve ever seen in my entire life.
Every time I’ve been honest about where I am and I’m okay with that, things turn out really well. People like to follow you and see your struggles and your growth more than anything else #attractivecharacter
Number 13: “If you will kill all parts of your old self or the elements of your old self you need to kill.”
There might be all of your old self you need to kill – or leave behind when you move forward… that’s fine, that’s part of the game. That’s 100% okay.
It can be challenging to do that. It’s hard to leave behind parts of yourself – you’ve just got to pick the bits that don’t serve you – your limiting beliefs and habits.
When my wife and I got married, I thought, “Well, I gotta be a husband now,” so I sold my full kit drum set. That was stupid. I sold my longboard. I sold all the crap that made me “me” – I thought “Well, I’m an adult.” That’s garbage. I’m not talking about that kind of crap. I’m talking about fears and things inside of you.
You might have to kill parts of you so you can move on to the next phase – and that’s totally fine.
I don’t lean too hard into that one specifically because only you will know what those parts are.
Number 14: “If you will lean into my training/ coaching/ my consulting, then I will also lean in.”
I don’t carry the ball. I teach you how to carry it.
I don’t carry the player and the ball. If I can see you’re running hard and you’re actually doing stuff, and you drop the ball, I might pick it up, but I don’t ever pick up the player and ball. Does that make sense?
If you will lean in, I will match your intensity.
There are rules that I have whenever I coach somebody, or I enter into consulting.
If you feel uncomfortable with what I saying here, and you’re thinking, “I thought you were a funnel coach, Stephen?” Yeah, I am, but for you to be successful, you’ve gotta work on you as well – and these are the rules that I’ve seen get results. I follow these same rules myself.
There are times where I’ll walk around and be like, “Stephen, dude, you are complaining. You’re a freakin’ idiot. You are whining, you baby,” and I’ll self-talk like crazy.
I’ll coach myself through the same process that I’m coaching my people through. I’ve been doing it a lot (especially in the past several months) and It’s cool how effective it’s been.
When you enter coaching relationship be cognizant of NOT only of what your coach is teaching you – but of where they’re coming from.
A lot of you guys reach out to me and ask me if I can coach you. I’m not doing open coaching for anyone right now. I do fulfillment-style coaching for Russell for the One Funnel Away Challenge and the 2 Comma Club Program.
I fly out and do a lot of consulting for companies too. If you’re interested in having me consult for your company, go to, stevejlarsen.com, to get in touch.
People have asked if I can give them the PDF of these rules? The answer is No, write them down – it’ll help you memorize and learn ’em.
So I’m not gonna release it to anybody.
Until Next Time – Keep Crushing It!
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